I love my boyfriend.

And I love having sex with my boyfriend.

But, you know… sometimes you just want to try something new. Ok, kitchen counter. Done. That was fun but those counters are a little cold. Couch sex, ok but uncomfortable. Shower suds are fun. Finger wrinkles are not. Neither is falling and banging my head on the faucet. That one time on the sailboat rocked, literally, but sailboats on Lake Michigan aren’t available for the normal sex life repertoire. Tied up with ties, YES. But only so many times. Me on top. Him on top. Going down, flipping that around.

And then my boyfriend had an idea – yes, it was his idea – to try anal sex. Sure, I’ll bare the backdoor. With some lube.

I guess, prior to this episode, anal sex had been somewhat of an uncharted territory in terms of my body. Mostly associated with that girl who got pregnant in high school but was still, in high school vernacular, a total slut, and because of that slut-factor, from pregnancy/abortion on only allowed guys to cum in her butt. But also associated with things that come out of a particular hole in my body. So trying to put something in felt naughty in that maybe I like being turned over a denigrated, degraded, debased and depraved, maybe I will maybe I won’t tell my girlfriends kinda way. It’s like, ok, I like getting fucked, like slammed against the wall pounded into the wall kinda fucked and so maybe I’ll like this too.

So we go to the store, buy some more lube – I think the tube by the bed was from like two boyfriends ago – and get all readied up to have some butt sex.

And after a little bit of nervous foreplay (we know what’s coming ok?) and a lot of lubrication, it goes in.

And man does that fucking hurt.

But that’s not the point of this story.

The point of this story isn’t about what actually happened when his penis was inside my anus – and so I’ll spare the readers those details.

The point of this story is what happened afterwards.

He pulls out, and on the tip, in all its tiny, green glory, is a small, lubed-up pea.

I still love having sex with my boyfriend. Just not anal sex.